The Strop

We are in a strop.
I don't care what you say
For it is what it is.

We are in a strop.
The bitterness of words left unspoken
Sit rancid on my tongue.

When our eyes meet
It's a tacit statement of everything we don't say
We just can't be the way we were.

As soon as I
See you, I think
Repulsion resentment regret

When you see me
I see it
Apprehension ambivalence aggravation.

We are not
We were never
A perfect unit, everlasting, connection.

I despise you.
I tell myself that every spare moment
Coaching my errant brain

Only way to cope
With the stagnant pull between us
Is to hate and hate more, to insert something anything--

Did you know?
History does repeat itself.
How many times has it been?

Once, twice, thrice--oh, third time's the charm
This time
It will be to break for good.

Inevitable
We fooled ourselves into thinking
We could bridge the distance, the distance that always was

Because
I thought the distance was the temporal
But it's the connection that proves ephemeral.

We could never stick
Like half-dried glue on styrofoam
We always peel apart.

And it's not that we are in a strop
We are the strop.

You
Me

It's not you me

It will always be

You                                                                                                                   Me

The Ultimate Show of Passive-Aggressive Behavior

I randomly found this while surfing the Internet the other day, and man is this a gem! I normally make it a point to avoid passive-aggressive behavior at all costs, but this is actually amazing. It's "How to Wait Out Your Friend's Boyfriend." Look ahead for serious larfs. 

1. Act blandly surprised whenever she asks if she can bring him to an event, no matter how long they’ve been together. “Oh, Dave’s coming too? Sure, that’s fine.”

2. Suggest Sleeping With The Devil for movie night.

3. Learn exactly one thing about him; make that the subject of conversation whenever you see him. It will not be necessary to learn two things.

4. Always grab the bill before he does.

5. Whisper “I will bury you” into his ear while he pours you wine.

6. Behave so irreproachably that no one will ever believe him.

7. Suggest Sleeping With The Enemy for movie night.

8. “I think it’s really important for a man to recognize how magnificent you are, Meredith. I’m glad you think Steve sees that in you.”

9. Never get his job title quite correct. If he’s an Associate Something, call him an Assistant Something. If he tries to correct you, he’ll seem both petty and vain for making sure you get it right.

10. Avoid criticizing him at all costs, but if you must, put the words “It’s endearing how” before your criticism so he takes it as a compliment and the seeds of doubt are planted carefully in her mind. “Something I really like about Greg is [subtly horrifying trait.]”

11. Bring up topics that only you and she know a great deal about, so that he’ll be forced to say something ignorant in order to stay in the conversation.

12. Make sure you tell her how much you like him in front of him, so that he never suspects.

13. “He has great energy. I love how whenever I run into him at he’s in the center of a little clump of women, just regaling them with stories.”

14. Suggest Fried Green Tomatoes for movie night.

15. Steal something small but significant from her apartment every time the three of you are there together, but never when it’s just you and her, so that when she starts to piece together a pattern, she’ll ask you instead of him to fill in the blanks. Also, leave the toilet seat up.

16. Say “I love how you ALWAYS have a Groupon, you’re like Suze Orman! But…I know Rachel really wants to go to [better restaurant], let me treat you.”

17. At her birthday party, immediately after everyone has finished shout-singing “Happy Birthday”: “I think it would be great if we went around the room, and all of us said something we truly love about Annie.” Then deliver a touching, self-effacing tribute to Annie that will leave her in tears. Kick him savagely under the table as he starts his, while smiling warmly at him.

18. Always respond instantly to her texts. Delete hers from his phone if left unattended.

19. “Find” an OkCupid account that has a picture of him she took after they started dating. He’s in “a complicated relationship,” he just wants to meet “friends and activity partners” and to have someone to talk to about life.

20. Suggest Waiting To Exhale for movie night.

21. “Arthur seems to be really open with his friends about your relationship. I guess that’s refreshing in a man, to share the ups and downs.”

22. Always invite the friend of his she likes the least whenever you all get together. Point out their similarities.

23. Kill her dog when you know he’ll be out of town so he can’t be there to support her during the most painful time in her life. Be there for her every step of the way.

24. “Isn’t it wonderful how, when you meet the right person, there is never again a single moment of doubt or questioning? You literally never wonder if there could be another person out there, better suited to you.”

25. Suggest Thelma and Louise for movie night.

26. The next time he leaves his phone unattended, rename two of his contacts Blonde Afternoons and Redhead Yoga Girl.

27. Point out how much other people have noticed that the two of them look like brother and sister. “I didn’t see it at first, but now I can’t stop noticing it! You guys even wear the same size jeans!”

28. Encourage him whenever he suggests an outing she’ll hate.

29. Wait until he’s drunk or sulky, and say, “Isn’t it amazing to think that we’ll all be parents in a few years?”

30. Put a box of tampons that are neither your brand nor hers at the very back of the space under his bathroom sink, opened, and with two-thirds of the contents missing. If she ever brings them up, say “don’t worry, I’m sure lots of guys keep a box of tampons around for guests.”

Original link: http://the-toast.net/2014/05/27/wait-out-your-friends-boyfriend/ 

*If you visit the original article page, be sure to check out the tags!

Unfeel

I have taught myself to not feel.

It's like holding a breath–
practice makes perfect–
little by little, you keep going
stronger
longer–

I recite lines in my head.
I compose them. Pretty soon
seconds, agonizing before, tick by as
unfazed numbers
meaningless, without production.

Like lines on the wall
I blend
not too much that I'm noticeably invisible
only so much that I just am.

I'm here. But not.
You'll see me, but you won't really.
But it's okay because
at least I'm here
and
that's what you see.

What you think you see.
We see what we want to.

No one wants to stop
but it's okay
because I don't want you to.

The art of unfeeling, of rewinding, of erasing
is like holding a breath.
And I keep going
increasing–well,
it's decreasing, isn't it–
till

there's no more breath to hold

Inspiration: Habits by Tove Lo