me bare, shown me to the world for who i am, allowed me to rebuild
then torn me back down again.
doesn’t even know he’s doing it.
everything for him and i love him i love him
don’t even know why.
here he is
life for the years, years years
can’t let go. i can never let go.
so hard and i tell myself,
you can do better
feeling in your stomach is telling you no.
heart throbs uncontrollably and pulls me forward, ties a noose round my
forces me to him every time.
i am not in control.
him so, and yet i will never fully have him–his eyes are laid elsewhere–and he
can’t see what’s in front of him.
There is my home, that is not my home. things left unspoken, ties breaking, tensions simmering below the surface. things we feel but cannot say. we
at each other and a million messages float through the air,
but never reach the other side. a single fire let loose, and it cannot be contained
it burns slowly and gradually, almost that we cannot see it until it’s too late.
she will not listen.
and their tears flow unrestrained and i stand,
caught in the middle,
unable to comprehend. it’s too early to deal with things like these. one side tries to reach across, but it's thwarted.
always, reality just cuts through everything you ever thought you had. and you’re broken. it’s not yours. you’re not in control of what happens. it just does.
There is the place i thought i was
but no more. he’s gone. the one i went to, the one i spoke to, the one with whom i could close my eyes and feel his presence and not be afraid. i struggle to look at the place now. i can’t be in the room and not feel the memories. i can’t be in the vicinity and not remember
what could have been.
i can’t stand there
up on that stage
and look down at our dwindling numbers, fading fading and not see how we crumble.
what are we?
no more. i cannot bear it and i am here for a while longer, but my companions? true, there are few, but
what of them?
they will be here for the rest of their lives, dealing with the same problems
again and again,
over and over again,
unable to reach a compromise, hearing venomous words in a place that’s proclaimed clean.
what are we?
we are nothing. we are helpless. and i’m a single speck among so many others, smaller than some, larger than some, but suffering all the same. and in the end, we are nothing, because nobody will stop to help.