Today.

She died today. 

There was this girl I 
knew–
not for long, though, for long enough, I don't know–
she had this 
long,
silky, 
dark hair that swished a little when she walked. 

She had pale skin. 
Her eyelashes were long but thin, sweeping thin lines
casting shadows
spidery
delicate and brittle and fragile–like her bones. 

Her fingers tapered and sharpened at the ends,
a marionette's fingers,
perhaps. 

I didn't know her well enough
to know if she was a nice person.

I scratched the surface and saw
an Asian girl, a pretty one too, with sharp
angles and hollowed cheeks.

I looked and when I looked I saw
a girl who listed a bit in the
wind
whose eyes had two eyelids each–like
an alligator–
a film that rarely lifted, like she was in her own
world.

They said that was part of her charm. 
The girl who dreamed too much.

She died today.

It was dark. Too dark. The air was a knife against slivers of exposed skin
peeking over the tops of collars, beneath hats, between layers of
scarf.
All it took was a step in the road, a film over the eyes, 
one wrong move.
On the spot, she died.

And I knew her, but not well enough. 

Current Beauty Wish List

I am horribly far behind with beauty products. It is quite sad, really. One of my New Year's Resolutions this year is to improve my makeup knowledge and application, so I need to branch out more–explore, divide and conquer! (I don't know.)

1. Nars Sheer Glow: This foundation has been around for quite some time, and I only recently saw it in person and swatched it on my hand. I was astounded by the incredibly beautiful sheen and glow of the product. I'm not really a big face product kind of girl, since I'd like to save that heavy application for when I'm older and in direr need; though, I do think it's a good idea to invest in the foundation of my makeup (pun intended). I haven't tried many foundations–just MAC Face and Body and Revlon Photoready–so I think I need to gather my bearings and test some more out. I have quite dry skin, so I think the dewy, more liquidy foundations would suit me better. 
   
2. Benefit Watt's Up/Stila Liquid Luminizer: I honestly have no idea what to do with highlighter and bronzer (more on that later). But, it appears to be a necessity as adding dimension to one's face is what elevates a makeup look to the next level. I'm quite interested in highlighter (not so much in bronzer, to be perfectly honest), and I've seen both of these products used quite often in YouTube videos, so I'd like to start with them! 
   
   
3. Stila Stay All Day Liquid Eyeliner: I'm still working on my liquid eyeliner skills, yo. It's really quite necessary, and ugh why do my eyelids crease like that. It's so inconvenient. Anyway, the Stila liquid eyeliner has been on my radar for a while, as I swatched it on my hand once and it did stay all day! The line goes on thinly and smoothly as well, which I love. Definitely need to pick this up next time I stop at Ulta or Sephora. 
   
4. Urban Decay Primer Potion: I see this all. The. Time. I hear rave reviews about it all. The. Time. I think it's a sign I need to get it in my possession. Pronto. 
   
5. Urban Decay Naked Palettes 1, 2, and/or 3: I'm not an eyeshadow expert. I'm a bit Lauren Conrad-ish in that way, because I tried that crease-blending thing once and it was a freaking nightmare. Well, easy does it, maybe... Naked seems to be a good place to start (that sounds hilarious). And I love nudes (that also sounds hilarious; apparently I'm really mature); not so much the bright shadows. 
   
6. Bourjois Colour Boost Lip Crayon: I have no idea where to get this because it's a UK product, but this look fantastic! Not as high maintenance as a lipstick, not as annoying as a lip gloss (I think, I hope). I just love this concept, and how pretty is that pink shade? 
   
7. Nars Bronzing Powder: Here comes the scary part... I have never used bronzer in my life. Ever. I like the idea of contouring my face, but I am so freaking clumsy (it's a miracle I can get eyeliner on my eyelid, for crying out loud) I'm scared I'm going to look like... an orange lamp. A nightmare, really. But I mean, I better try now before I have to prepare for some big-scale event or something. I dunno what I plan to do with my life, psh. 
   
8. MAC Lipstick: I've got my eye on shades Morning Rose, Speed Dial, Pink Pearl Pop, and Sunny Seoul in particular. As you can probably tell, I'm kind of a wimp with color. I also have fairly full lips (honestly probably my best feature), which can actually suck sometimes because then color is so obvious and can become overstated (I don't really know what I'm talking about though what). I think a lot of the final oomph of makeup, though, is the carriage. You've got to be one with your makeup look and carry it with confidence and poise; otherwise, any look will fall flat (once again, I don't really know what I'm saying). That being said, if I'm feeling bolder and more posh, I might try my hand with the famed Candy Yum Yum, Russian Red, and Vegas Volt. I think I have neutral undertones (must double check!), so I hope I don't have to pay attention to the whole yellow-red/blue-red tangent because I have no idea how to tell. 

   

   Sunny Seoul

   

   Candy Yum Yum

   
   
   
   
   
   

2nd Semester Bucket List

As someone who is giddy with the realization that I am FINALLY a second semester senior, it's time for me to compile an official list of second semester senior-type goals/adventures!

• Learn to play more sophisticated guitar :3
• Drive to Santana Row myself!
• Eat In n' Out
• GO TO PROM
• Do Benefit Fashion Show
• Go to HB Nationals
• Learn to drive stick shift
• Go for a test drive 
• Go to an open house and pretend to be an adult
• Watch Star Trek, Star Wars, and all that awesome nerdy stuff
• Catch up on Game of Thrones!
• Read A Song of Ice and Fire
• Enter writing contests (I am kicking myself still for never doing this!)
• Experiment more with makeup application (kind of a baby in this area LOL)
• Reorganize my room (sigh)

*will probably be updated periodically

Divergent!

In Beatrice Prior's dystopian Chicago world, society is divided into five factions, each dedicated to the cultivation of a particular virtue--Candor (the honest), Abnegation (the selfless), Dauntless (the brave), Amity (the peaceful), and Erudite (the intelligent). On an appointed day of every year, all sixteen-year-olds must select the faction to which they will devote the rest of their lives. For Beatrice, the decision is between staying with her family and being who she really is--she can't have both. So she makes a choice that surprises everyone, including herself. During the highly competitive initiation that follows, Beatrice renames herself Tris and struggles alongside her fellow initiates to live out the choice they have made. Together they must undergo extreme physical tests of endurance and intense psychological simulations, some with devastating consequences. As initiation transforms them all, Tris must determine who her friends really are--and where, exactly, a romance with a sometimes fascinating, sometimes exasperating boy fits into the life she's chosen. But Tris also has a secret, one she's kept hidden from everyone because she's been warned it can mean death. And as she discovers unrest and growing conflict that threaten to unravel her seemingly perfect society, Tris also learns that her secret might help her save the ones she loves . . . or it might destroy her.

Long-ass summary for this YA book (which I again read on a pdf FYI because there are no bookstores in my area anymore and there were like, freaking 300 holds for it at the library!). 

So, Divergent... at last we meet. Here is the novel that has garnered rave reviews and is going to be a major motion picture in March with some pretty kickass stars (Kate Winslet?! Maggie Q?!). I had to read the book. And no, I did not skim it the way I did with City of Bones; I actually sat myself down and read it. And I finished it in a day. This book is riveting. I'll get to the flaws in a moment, no worries, but I actually really love the writing style! The present tense fuels the novel and kind of spurs the reader on, and there's a fascinating and unique dystopian concept. I found Tris to be a relatable protagonist, which tends to be an important element for me. Divergent was definitely a page-turner. As for the message in this novel (there's one in every dystopian novel, dur), it doesn't exactly tell us anything new, but it certainly brings to attention that, well, the world simply isn't black and white. Humans can't be painted one way or another. We do not work that way, and, as Four said, we should strive to be all five of the virtues–honest, selfless, brave, kind, and intelligent. 

Here's where we get a bit murky. I said that I relate to the protagonist, Beatrice "Tris" Prior, and after I finished the novel, I went to check out other Goodreads users' reviews. Some said that she was hypocritical, childish, and mean. Well... :(! Of course, there were times when I disagreed with her actions and thoughts, but in her mean moments? I'm sorry to say that when she beat some undeserving bint into the ground or had some cruel thoughts, I was egging her on and going Yes yes yes!!! in my head. I know. I'm mature. And I definitely wouldn't belong in Amity. To those who didn't like the book partly because of Tris's character, however, I would have to say that protagonists aren't meant to be perfect. I mean, how many of us wanted to strangle Harry Potter in The Order of the Phoenix? How many of us can't stand a single character in Wuthering Heights? (Please tell me that's not just me...) That doesn't stop it from being a great book. See, if Tris hadn't had all these flaws, she'd be called a Mary-Sue. And here she is, simply human in all her hypocrisy and immaturity, and she's being beaten down anyway! There are definitely improvements that could be made to her character, but I don't think she's worth criticizing to such a harsh degree. 

As for my own criticisms... well. Let me just say first that I like this book much better than City of Bones, and maybe even moreso than the first Hunger Games. I did think, though, that the primary concept of the series was a little underdeveloped. I hope that the origins are further explored in the second and third books, because it feels a bit like we've only scratched the surface of this whole set-up. The Dauntless, Erudite, Abnegation, Amity, and Candor all seem a bit stereotyped, especially with their "initiation tests". Of course, this novel takes place at a time when the five divisions have evolved into something worse–not quite what they were meant to be. Even so, I would have liked to know more about what they were supposed to be. As for the main antagonism in the first novel, it all felt a bit random. I'm trying to discuss without giving too much away, so it's tough for me to articulate, but the sudden unfurling of hatred and vitriol... that did not feel so well-developed either. And one more thing (yeah, sorry, not done yet)–the title issue. Divergence. I do not really understand what is so unique about that. I get why it's a threat, theoretically, but why is it so rare?! I really hope those questions are answered in the remainder of the trilogy. I also thought that the book sped up way too quickly by the end, and I was literally like, no way! This is happening now?! That wasn't as important of an issue as the development problems, though. 

On a happier note, I really did enjoy reading Divergent and I was pleasantly surprised by how much I liked the novel. It's been a while since I've enjoyed any YA novels (Maze Runner here I come!). I didn't know what to expect since I hadn't watched any trailers or even read the back summary for the book, and I might even recommend that for people approaching hyped-up books like this in the future. 

Anyway, I can't wait for the film to come out! Now, I have to bug some of my friends to read the book so I don't have to watch it alone, heh. I'm fairly confident that the film will be good, because the actors are solid (as far as I can tell), and the director seems to be a good one. I'm just worried the romance aspect will be marketed too heavily... I mean a clip of that scene with Tris and Four talking about his tattoos was already released and argh! Oh well. 

I'm going to go buy the other books now (I hate reading books on my phone). Happy reading!

P.S. HAPPY NEW YEAR!