13 Reasons You Should Date an English Major

Warning: Sweeping generalizations ahead

1. You'll never get bored. All those books she reads? Awkward silences, begone! She'll regale you with tales of murderous husbands, mind-boggling philosophies, thought-provoking revolutionaries, and an endless array of future dystopian possibilities. (It's interesting, I promise!)
2. Speaking of books, you won't even have to read certain books to reference them. You don't need Sparknotes–you have an English major to help you! And when you're talking to someone you need to impress, you can totally throw in that very-pretentious-but-effective Shakespeare line. (It's up to you to remember if it's Richard III or Henry V, though.) 
3. There will always be someone willing to edit your paper. Even if it's 15 pages long. And your grammar will improve exponentially. It's basically a rite of passage.
4. Love poetry, anyone? Love songs? Love... prose? You don't even need to ask for it (à la Sara Bareilles). And if she's multitalented, as the literary types often are, she'll probably serenade you or something too. 
5. Besides all that, she'll quote love verses at random moments, and it'll be beautiful. (Bonus points if you can respond, but if not... she'll understand.)
6. She thinks. A LOT. And while this might be intimidating, it also means she'll be considerate and extremely empathetic. All those years of "walking in the shoes" of the thousands of literary characters pay off. 
7. It's not hard to buy gifts for her. A thoughtful book choice is always appreciated, and since many literary types take the notion of "it's the thought that counts" seriously, the little things count (like handmade cards!). 
8. She'll dedicate things to you. And it'll be awesome.                   
9. She probably loves Harry Potter. (Why is this a reason, you ask? Um, when is it ever not a consideration when dating someone?!)
10. Dates will almost always be fun and quirky, unique and curious. And if you're lazy? No problem! Curling up with a fleece blanket and some hot chocolate is basically every English major's dream setting (although usually she has a book in hand rather than a... significant other in her arms). 
11. She'll always have coffee. 
12. She probably enjoys her alone time. Clinginess will not be an issue. 
13. She's smart. And passionate about the things she cares about. When is that ever a bad thing? 

But if you break up with her, be prepared to be absolutely destroyed by words you didn't even know could be used that way. 

*All in good humor, friends.