Thursday, October 23, 2014

The Woes of a "Workout Noob" Part 2

Oh yeah. There's a Part Dos. Are you ready for this?

Shit is about to get real. (Just kidding. Maybe.)

This is basically "The Woes of a Workout Noob Getting Schooled by a Workout Pro."

So I, the workout noob in question, received the great privilege to tag along with an experienced workout... dude... and learn from his techniques.

I think I was somewhat wrong when I thought that was a great idea. I knew I had misgivings for a reason.

So when I initially noob-ed around alone, at least no one was actually watching me. I could tell myself that it was just me feeling embarrassed for myself, and no one was judging me because you know, people have better things to do. Like do their own workouts.

However, accompanied by someone who was specifically meant to show me the ropes, I pretty much had no choice but to be watched, and bear that burn of a superior's gaze.

Oh, the self-consciousness that ensued.

And when that fellow demonstrated certain techniques, I mean... I had to watch in order to understand, right? But that was so weird because I was basically just staring at his muscles! And I just felt very... invasive. I felt like I was ogling blatantly or something! Like... do I stare directly at them? Do I watch the weight? How often do I look back and forth? Or should I watch from the mirror's reflection? (What's wrong with my brain?!)

And when a friend of said fellow's showed up and for some reason decided to sit and chill for a while near where we were working out, I flubbed the forearm curl thing whatevers (I'm not going to pretend I know all the terminology)... yeah, I saw that smirk. (I see you! I know you're judging me! I know you're laughing!)

Then there were these insidious thoughts that cropped up, like "Oh, I bet these people are thinking, 'That girl is such a noob. That poor guy, trying to teach her how to lift–are those five-pound weights??!!"

(Yes, my consciousness works against me most of the time.)

Obviously, when working out with a higher-up, my awareness of my weakness increased tenfold. Like at one point, during the isolation curls (I don't know what it's actually called; please don't make me try harder than I have to), Mr. Workout Pro tried to make me go up a weight thing (also don't know what the proper terminology is), and ummm.

Yeah that didn't go well. I could not lift the stuff (I'm so articulate). It was sad.

But wait! Don't you run off thinking that I am ungrateful and self-pitying (I mean I am the latter, but whatever)!

There are great things that come with a personal trainer-type buddy. Now I know what that triangular seat thing is, and now I know where some of the weights are! I know where the towels are (yay) and in a sense, I, oddly enough, feel less stupid in some aspects when exercising. One noob makes a workout session a chore, essentially; two noobs make the escapade hilarious and mutually embarrassing so that the humiliation sort of gets cancelled out in the process (and turned into a joke); but one noob and one pro make for an informative and somewhat reassuring experience. It might seem paradoxical in context with my crippling insecurity showcased above, but it's overall a lot better to work out with a Workout Pro than alone.

Indeed it's embarrassing having someone witness the absolute degradation of my alarming weakness, but it's also pretty cool to work out side by side with someone who clearly knows what the heck he's doing.

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